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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26542210">no one makes you feel like i do</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice'>taylorstwice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>(여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:08:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,902</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26542210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soojin wakes up to a day where Shuhua doesn't show her love and ignores her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>no one makes you feel like i do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soojin wakes up in a quiet dorm.</p><p>Kind of weird since she’s living in the same place as Miyeon and Shuhua. The two most annoying (cute) and loud members of (G)-IDLE. Those two combined are the definition of chaotic and noisy.</p><p>She blinks her eyes in confusion and sits herself up, pushing her white comforters off of her. She stays quiet for a moment, trying to see if she can hear anything from the two girls.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>She scratches her head and crawls towards the edge of the bed, a somehow weird uneasy feeling settling on the pit of her stomach.</p><p>She sleepily walks out of her room to see that the TV was on, Haku and Mata were sleeping behind the couch, and something was moving on the couch.</p><p>Since she can’t see who it was, Soojin enters the living room and circles the couch to see Miyeon and Shuhua cuddling, Shuhua pushing her cheeks on Miyeon’s, the latter giggling like a schoolgirl hugging her crush. The sight makes Soojin’s eyes twitch, the weird feeling in her stomach turning worse.</p><p><em>“I’m probably hungry.” </em> Soojin tells herself.</p><p>Shuhua feels the eyes settled on them so she opens hers, to see Soojin standing before them with a confused look as if it’s not something she sees every day.</p><p><strong>“Oh Soojin unnie! You’re awake.”</strong> A small hidden smile creeps on Soojin’s face when she hears that familiar high-pitched tone that Shuhua uses when she’s excited to see her and she secretly braces herself for Shuhua’s clingy hug, only to feel wind past through her side as Shuhua runs towards the kitchen.</p><p><strong>“What are we having for breakfast? Miyeon unnie and I were up early and I told her we should order take out but Miyeon unnie wanted to taste homemade food.”</strong> Soojin watches as Shuhua throws the eldest a loving smile, not even batting an eye towards her.</p><p><em>“Is she…Is she sick?”</em> Soojin wonders.</p><p><strong>“I want Kimchi Fried Rice, can we do that?”</strong> Shuhua turns to her with a normal expectant smile, disappointing the older girl.</p><p><em>“Wait, why am I disappointed? Isn’t this what I wanted from the start?”</em> Soojin fighting with herself internally. She follows Shuhua inside the kitchen while Miyeon stays watching on the couch, and then Soojin corners Shuhua in a corner, earning her a confused look from the maknae. <strong>“Unnie, what are you doing?</strong></p><p>Soojin can’t help herself but raise her hand and put the back of her palm on Shuhua’s forehead, feeling nothing but warmth. <strong>“You’re not sick.”</strong> She says, surprised.</p><p>Shuhua snorts. <strong>“Why would I be sick? Miyeon unnie takes care of me good!”</strong> Shuhua leaves the corner and opens the fridge, pulling out the kimchi. <strong>“Let’s go and cook this food unnie, and we should make more. I think the others will be visiting since it’s a day off.”</strong></p><p>And the other three did visit them, making the dorm more chaotic since Miyeon, Shuhua, Yuqi, and Minnie combined is just…pandemonium.</p><p>Soojin watches quietly from her open room to the living room where the four mentioned girls play hide and clap, Shuhua now clinging on a very giggly Minnie who’s trying to find a decent place to hide while Yuqi counts down beside Soyeon on the couch, the latter writing something on her notebook, probably lyrics. Miyeon had already wedged herself behind the TV, a place Soojin doesn’t know existed, looking at the two girls with an amused smile. When Yuqi nears the end of counting, Miyeon calls the two over and scoots, making space for Minnie and Shuhua. Shuhua quickly runs and places herself beside Miyeon, making Minnie stay on her other side. The three huddle together as Yuqi stands up from the couch, Soyeon following her steps with keen eyes since the girl can be as clumsy as Shuhua sometimes. The leader puts down her notebook as Yuqi uses her foot to navigate her way through the room, throwing a tantrum when the three girls don’t clap when she asks them to. Shuhua turns to her Soyeon unnie and gives her puppy eyes, and the leader immediately gives in. She walks towards the kitchen and claps her hand, alerting Yuqi and also making the three girls giggle as Yuqi saunters away from the living room.</p><p>Noticing that someone is missing, Soyeon turns her head to see Soojin just staring at them from her room, an unreadable look on her face. Soyeon enters the room and gets more confused when Soojin seems to not notice her, her eyes set on something in the living room. Soyeon follows her sight only to realize that the dancer was staring at their maknae.</p><p><strong>“Why are you here all alone?”</strong> Soyeon asks when she sits beside Soojin on her bed. Soojin turns her head and faces her same-aged friend.</p><p><strong>“I…don’t know.”</strong> Soojin says truthfully.</p><p><strong>“Are you…sulking?”</strong> Soyeon asks the girl with a tint of teasing in her tone but Soojin was too busy thinking why she was feeling this way to even notice it.</p><p><strong>“No. I just…I don’t know why I feel like this!”</strong> Soojin can’t help but narrow her eyes as she tries to get to the bottom of her unresolved…sulking? Anger? She doesn’t get herself. She doesn’t know why she feels like this.</p><p><strong>“Soyeon, tell me.” </strong>Soojin throws a glance toward Shuhua and Miyeon who’re still giggling with Minnie. <strong>“Why is Miyeon so close with Shuhua? Why isn’t Shuhua pushing her away? Why is she avoiding me?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“What do you mean with why is Miyeon close with Shuhua? Soo, she’s always been close with Miyeon. Why would she push her away? They’re practically inseparable. Well about you, well she’s kind of awkward with you.”</strong>
</p><p>Soojin’s eyebrows meet each other. <strong>“With me?? Why?? Why is she awkward with me?”</strong></p><p>Soyeon shrugs her shoulder. <strong>“I…don’t know. She just…does.”</strong> Soyeon turns to look at Shuhua like Soojin. <strong>“She just…suddenly did.”</strong></p><p><strong>“You know, we found it weird.”</strong> Soyeon confesses to the girl. <strong>“She was so close to you before. She always told us that you’re her favorite person but then, she just suddenly stopped talking to you and clinging to you.”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“And we decided to confront her about it but Yuqi said that we should let you do it since it’s you that was involved, but you never did. You never asked her about it, and never cared about it. It was like, not talking to you and ignoring you was the new normal that Shuhua reinforced in her life and you never showed that you were bothered about it…so we didn’t interfere.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I…didn’t care?”</strong>
</p><p>Soyeon shakes her head. <strong>“No. You only initiated talks and skinship when we’re on cameras but other than that, you and Shuhua, you pretty much act like the other doesn’t exist anymore.”</strong></p><p> <strong>“B-But she talked to me earlier?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“Was it about food?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Oh yeah, she does talk to you for some time. But just about food.”</strong> Soyeon’s face copies Soojin’s as Soojin’s face falls into despair and confusion.</p><p>Soojin stays quiet for a while before nodding her head. <strong>“Okay…thanks for telling me Soyeon.”</strong></p><p>Soyeon leans closer towards her same-aged friend with a concerned look. <strong>“Are you okay? You don’t care about this. Why are you suddenly putting attention on this?”</strong></p><p>Soojin falters, blinking her eyes rapidly. <strong>“I don’t know.”</strong></p><p><strong>“I’m going out.”</strong> Soojin grabs her towel and leaves Soyeon in her room, heading towards the bathroom, bumping Yuqi on the way. Yuqi, not knowing that it was Soojin, wraps her arms around the dancer and pulls her down to the floor, shouting that <em>she found one</em> and that <em>she’s not a sore loser in this game</em>. Now at times like these, Soojin was so used to having Shuhua pushing away people who initiate skinship with her, more so of her members. Since the maknae can’t do it when they’re talking about the fans, she just resorts on putting herself behind Soojin or the closest place beside her and smiles at the interaction (lie, she stares at them with her innocent yet creepy eyes until the fans move away, Soojin would know, Shuhua did it last week in their fansign) but when it comes to her members, she uses her chance to show them her ‘wrath’ when it’s them touching Soojin (just yesterday, she almost blasted off Miyeon from the couch when the oldest suddenly jumped Soojin who was minding her business with her phone).</p><p>But now, it’s like that Shuhua, that Shuhua from last week, from yesterday, never existed.</p><p>Because as she looks up despite Yuqi clinging on her like she’s her lifeline and Soyeon pulling the Chinese girl off of her, Shuhua was only looking at her with nothing but amusement.</p><p>As if she’s enjoying seeing Yuqi hugging her like a koala.</p><p>And that irks something inside her.</p><p><em>“It’s not right. Nothing that’s happening today is right.”</em> Soojin finally admits to herself.</p><p>
  <em>“She’s…she’s not my Shuhua.”</em>
</p><p>When she feels Yuqi’s arm being lifted from her waist, Soojin quickly stands up and walks towards the bathroom, closing the door as she hears Yuqi complain to their leader. For a while, Soojin stays with her back on the bathroom door, staring at the mirror in front of her, seeing her flushed face adorning a troubled look. She goes into the shower quickly and takes her bath, running out of the restroom and to her room after. She picks some casual clothes and puts them on, combing her hair when someone knocks on her locked door. She walks towards the door, brush still in her hand when she opens the door, and sees Miyeon standing before her.</p><p><strong>“Oh,”</strong> Miyeon says after she takes in Soojin’s outfit. <strong>“are you going out?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Yeah. I’m meeting someone.”</strong> Soojin informs Miyeon, returning in front of her vanity.</p><p><strong>“Let me guess, it’s Hui?”</strong> Soojin turns when her ex’s name came out of Miyeon’s mouth.</p><p>
  <strong>“H-How’d you know?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Well, he’s the only one you’ve been meeting these past few days.”</strong>
</p><p>Soojin, losing her grip on the situation again, says something stupid.  <strong>“Tell Shuhua there’s no need to be jealous. We’re only going out for lunch.”</strong></p><p>It’s when Miyeon replies to her when she realizes that she slipped up. <strong>“Why would Shuhua be jealous?”</strong></p><p>Soojin turns and faces Miyeon’s confused face, looking like a baby. <strong>“Cause she doesn’t like it when I meet up with Hui?”</strong></p><p>Miyeon snorts, entering and closing the door. She puts herself on Soojin’s bed, grabbing the book on Soojin’s bedside table. <strong>“Shuhua doesn’t care that you go out, whether if it’s with Hui or not.”</strong></p><p>Soojin asks the same question she asked Soyeon. <strong>“Why?”</strong></p><p>Miyeon shakes her head. <strong>“I don’t know.” </strong></p><p>Soojin turns quiet. <strong>“Believe me, Soo, the girls and I have been trying to know why Shuhua just started acting like this, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. She just shrugs and acts like it’s nothing and then opens another topic.”</strong></p><p>Miyeon looks at Soojin through the mirror. <strong>“She doesn’t care about you anymore, Soojin.”</strong></p><p>That can’t be.</p><p>Shuhua?</p><p>Are they even talking about the same Shuhua?</p><p>The Shuhua who gives her her blanket every time they have a schedule, claiming that Soojin’s was too thin and that she’d feel warmer with hers?</p><p>The Shuhua who keeps standing up for her after that one VLive where Soojin saw the hate comments on the comments section and went home all sulky and hurt?</p><p>No. That can’t be.</p><p>Maybe that girl outside is not her Shuhua.</p><p>Or maybe, she’s not their Soojin.</p><p>
  <strong>“Oh. Okay.”</strong>
</p><p>Soojin can’t explain what’s happening, but there’s a lot. The need to just…get out of the dorm is overwhelming, there’s undeniable pain in her heart and she can’t bear to look at anyone.</p><p>She stands up from her chair but stumbles back down, worrying the oldest.</p><p>
  <strong>“Soojin, are you okay?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“I…need to go. I just…need to. Hui’s already waiting for me.”</strong> Soojin shakes away the blurriness and pushes away Miyeon’s helping hands, grabbing her phone and bag on her bed and dashing out of her room as if she’s on fire. She bumps Minnie on her way to escape, the older one holding on her waist to stop her from meeting the floor again like what happened with Yuqi.</p><p>
  <strong>“You seem to be in a hurry Soojin, where are you going?”</strong>
</p><p>Soojin backs away from Minnie and her eyes naturally fly towards the youngest who’s still dealing with Yuqi, hurt plastering on her face (that the Thai notices) when she realizes that Miyeon was right.</p><p>Shuhua doesn’t care.</p><p>She’s not the Shuhua she knows.</p><p>She’s not the Shuhua she secretly likes back.</p><p>She’s far from the Shuhua she became used to.</p><p>Soojin turns away from Minnie when she feels the tears prick her eyes. <strong>“Just outside.”</strong></p><p>And with that, Soojin rushes out of the dorm, leaving the five girls inside, four confused and one just…not caring.</p><p>She steps inside the café, waiting for the Pentagon member to arrive. She sips her coffee and just stares at the table, wondering why this was happening.</p><p>Is she dreaming? This doesn’t feel like a dream.</p><p>This feels like it’s just another day in her life.</p><p>But was flipped the time she opened her eyes.</p><p>She can’t help but cover her eyes with her hands as she wracks her brain for an answer to why it suddenly came to this.</p><p>Yesterday was just like a normal day. Shuhua was clinging to her, and she was just minding herself. She didn’t push her away. All-day (except when they had to go to practice), Shuhua and Soojin stayed glued on the couch while Miyeon visited the other girls’ dorm, and there was nothing wrong.</p><p>There was nothing wrong.</p><p>A tear slips from Soojin’s eyes, making her groan silently.</p><p>Why are they acting like this? Why is it like this? Why is SHE like this? What’s happening?</p><p>Soojin’s head is practically filled with questions that she fears they might slip out of her ears.</p><p><strong>“Jinnie? Are you okay?”</strong> Why are they all asking her that? Is it that obvious that she’s pretty much disturbed about what’s happening?</p><p>Soojin takes off her hand from her eyes and sees Hui looking at her with a concerned look from her side, raising his eyebrows when Soojin doesn’t reply.</p><p><strong>“Jin.”</strong> Hui shakes her but she doesn’t move a bit, but she gestures with her head for Hui to take a seat. Hui takes the seat across her, still looking at her with concerned eyes, but Soojin brushes it off.</p><p><strong>“So, what’s up? We just met yesterday and spent our time together, did you miss me that much?”</strong>  Soojin frowns at this.</p><p>
  <strong>“We met yesterday?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Yeah, we went out early in the morning and I drove you home by night. We were together the whole day.”</strong> Okay.</p><p>Okay, she’s probably turning crazy.</p><p><strong>“N-No. I couldn’t have been with you yesterday.”</strong> Soojin denies, her eyebrows meeting each other again.</p><p>
  <strong>“Why not?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“B-Because I was with Shuhua yesterday! We were together yesterday, in the dorm, watching TV.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Shuhua? The girl you couldn’t care less about?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“What? What are you saying??”</strong> Soojin can’t help but ask her questions with a sharp tone as she’s getting irritated with the lack of sense of this entire day.</p><p>She was with Hui yesterday? That can’t possibly be, she was with Shuhua. She raises her arm to see the accidental nail polish Shuhua got on her forearm from putting nail polish on her nails while putting half of her body on Soojin’s lap. This can’t be fake. This is evidence. She can remember Shuhua whining for her to move closer so they can snuggle under Shuhua’s ridiculously small blanket (that she always keeps on borrowing though she has her own), how Shuhua fell asleep almost spilling the nail polish on her if Soojin hadn’t seen it tilting from her hand, how she slowly dragged her fingers on Shuhua’s soft porcelain cheek, she can imagine the look she gave Shuhua yesterday.</p><p>Because she knows, when the younger girl wasn’t looking, Soojin wears the feelings she has for the girl on her face.</p><p><strong>“You don’t want to believe me? Here.”</strong> Hui gives his phone to Soojin, making the girl see a picture of them wearing happy smiles, Soojin’s clothes from yesterday present in the picture. The background seems to be of a bounce house, a familiar one that Soojin can remember coming from her childhood memories. <strong>“You were kind of sad the day before yesterday so I told you I’d bring you somewhere where you’d be happy. So I brought you to your bounce house where you once played with your dad. We were practically there all day, you kept playing with the kids and I just watched you from the waiting section with the other parents.”</strong></p><p>What…</p><p>This can’t be.</p><p><strong>“Soo, are you okay?”</strong> Hui leans over and puts his palm over Soojin’s head, feeling no sign of the girl being sick. <strong>“You’re fine. Well, at least I think so.”</strong></p><p>This can’t be real.</p><p>There’s no way Hui would know about the bounce house since Soojin never told anybody about it.</p><p>Except for Shuhua.</p><p>She remembers she told her about it when the girl was feeling homesick a few days before they debuted. Soojin remembers she told Shuhua how happy she felt when it was a weekly thing she and her father did whenever she would go back home from school with high grades. She remembers she promised the girl that she’d bring her there someday and make her feel the happiness she felt when she was a kid.</p><p><strong>“Did we really…Did we went there?”</strong> Hui nods innocently.</p><p>
  <strong>“Yeah, we did. I promise you, I’m not lying.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“When did I tell you about the bounce house?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“What? You told me about the bounce house when we were still together.”</strong> Soojin tears her eyes away from the picture to look at the man in front of her. <strong>“Are we…not together?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“Well I’m still convincing the company to let us be together but we have to keep it low. You told me I can court you again.”</strong>
</p><p>Things are going haywire.</p><p>
  <strong>“Soojin, why do you think you were with Shuhua yesterday? How can she even be with you? You both don’t even acknowledge each other.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You know about this?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Well, yeah. You act like it and it’s not like the company doesn’t know about it.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“They do?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yeah. Even the trainees. I think Soyeon talked to the CEO about it when that maknae of yours started acting out. The talk probably worked since the CEO turned a blind eye away.”</strong>
</p><p>After a few moments of just staying quiet in the café and drinking and eating their orders, Soojin looks up from staring at her cold coffee and addresses Hui. <strong>“Hui, I think I’m not feeling well. Can I go home?”</strong></p><p>Hui agrees immediately after seeing how…perturbed Soojin is today. <strong>“Sure, I’ll drive you.”</strong></p><p>Despite Soojin’s attempt to push Hui to go home after he drops her off in front of her building, the man still insists to accompany Soojin back to her dorm, like in her dorm. Soojin knocks on the door, with Hui still standing behind him. The door opens and it’s Miyeon, the smile on her face widening when she sees the man. <strong>“Hui oppa! Nice to see you! Are you here to drop Soojin off?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“Yeah, she said she’s not fee---”</strong>
</p><p>Someone so happy and bright cuts off Hui’s reply to Miyeon. <strong>“Unnie!”</strong></p><p>Shuhua clings her arms around Miyeon’s neck from behind, seeing Soojin and Hui together in front of Miyeon.</p><p>It’s time.</p><p>To see if Shuhua would budge or not.</p><p>Soojin knows what Shuhua hates, and that’s seeing her with Hui.</p><p>This is the time to know what the girl was feeling.</p><p>But when she sees the lack of any emotion from the younger girl, she wishes she didn’t want to know.</p><p><strong>“Miyeon unnie, you only had to open the door! Come back and play with me!”</strong> Shuhua says before dragging the girl back inside the dorm, leaving no choice for Miyeon to just wave goodbye to Hui. Soojin stares at the two as they disappear, her quivering heart slowly tearing itself into pieces.</p><p><strong>“Soo?” </strong>Hui calls her back to Earth.</p><p>Soojin turns like an ice bucket was just thrown over her head. She gives her suitor a fake smile. <strong>“Oh. Thanks for meeting up with me Hui.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Anything for you Soo.”</strong> Hui hugs the girl and presses a soft kiss on Soojin’s temple. <strong>“Take care, okay?”</strong> Soojin mutely nods. The girl watches as the Pentagon member disappears in the elevator. She sighs as she enters the dorm, hearing Minnie and Soyeon’s voice overtaking whatever it is that they’re watching on the TV. She turns when she gets to the living room, seeing Living Dead playing on the TV while Soyeon, Yuqi, and Minnie cower on the couch with a big blanket over their whole bodies, the only thing that can be seen were their squinted eyes. Soojin turns when she hears Shuhua giggling inside the kitchen, and when she sees what’s happening, she wishes she didn’t.</p><p>Shuhua can fall for Miyeon. After all, Miyeon does give Shuhua all the things that Soojin doesn’t. Attention. Affection. Skinship. Words she needs to hear. At least the ones that Soojin can remember that she can’t say, like <em>I</em> <em>love</em> <em>you</em> <em>too</em> or just basic things like, <em>Shuhua come here, I need some warmth from you</em>, you know those kinds of sweet words that make the maknae feel giddy and make her swoon.</p><p>She doesn’t give her those things.</p><p>If they’re together at this point, Soojin can just say congratulations to them, with her hidden broken heart as she realizes that Shuhua’s gotten to the point where she’s just…done.</p><p>Shuhua lost her will to go for her.</p><p>Shuhua lost her.</p><p>No.</p><p>She lost Shuhua.</p><p>She was fed up with all the pushes, the denying, the cold shoulders, all of it.</p><p>Shuhua’s not hers anymore.</p><p>Well, she wasn’t hers, to begin with.</p><p>But she liked to think that she was.</p><p>In her mind.</p><p>In her dreams.</p><p>But now, even in her dreams, she can’t.</p><p>She’s not hers to love…or not.</p><p>To tease…or not.</p><p>To cling to…or not.</p><p>Now she’s only a member, the person who helped her when they were still trainees. She’s only Seo Soojin to Shuhua.</p><p>Not Soo. Not Jinjin. Not Jin-ah.</p><p>Just Seo Soojin.</p><p><strong>“Soo, have you eaten? The girls ordered Chinese take-out since Shuhua and Yuqi were craving some.”</strong> Miyeon asks as she moves Shuhua from her lap to the chair next to her, teasing the maknae when the Taiwanese girl pouts and whines.</p><p>Huh. That was her before.</p><p><strong>“Uh, no. I already ate with Hui.”</strong> Shuhua stays apathetic, acting like Soojin isn’t there while she eats her Kung Pao Chicken and Chinese Dumplings.</p><p>Soojin smiles at Miyeon before retreating to her room, setting her bag down on the bed. She sighs as she sits on the edge, just staring right through her wall, and then it happens.</p><p>Tears start falling from her eyes to her cheeks, down to her chin, dripping over her shirt, but she doesn’t care.</p><p>Just like how she didn’t care when Shuhua showed her love to her every day.</p><p>That’s probably the reason why she changed.</p><p>Because of her.</p><p>Because she realized that Soojin will never return her feelings.</p><p>But little did she know, she does.</p><p>She’s just scared of showing it.</p><p>She just doesn’t know how to.</p><p>She’s not as bold as Shuhua who can just say what she wants to say without even having to fear the consequences, she’s not as energetic as Miyeon who can match up Shuhua with her loving antics, she just can’t be the person who Shuhua needs. She can try but, there’s no point, she’s too late, isn’t she?</p><p>Shuhua already left the court.</p><p>There’s no person to toss back the ball to.</p><p>And knowing that it’s her fault, makes it more painful.</p><p>Soojin doesn’t stop crying, but she makes sure that she doesn’t make any sound in fear that the other members might worry. She stands up again and turns the lights off, going back to her bed to lay under the covers.</p><p>Maybe, for now, this can be her haven.</p><p>She lies still on the bed, her comforter over her chest, and just tears spilling out and racing down the side of her eyes.</p><p>That’s right. Cry.</p><p>Cry everything out.</p><p>It’ll make you feel better.</p><p>No, it doesn’t. It’ll make you tired.</p><p>It’ll make you drowsy.</p><p>It’ll make you sleep.</p><p>It’ll bring you to a temporary home and that is dreams.</p><p>But when you wake up, that pain will still be there.</p><p>It’s like the start all over again.</p><p>A knock brings out Soojin from her thoughts. She clears her throat before saying come in.</p><p>She didn’t see who opened the door (since the light in the living room is turned off as well), but the voice surely said who it was.</p><p>
  <strong>“Soojin unnie? Can we talk?”</strong>
</p><p>Soojin can see through the bit of light (from the TV) that Shuhua’s about to turn the lights on, so she stops her. <strong>“Don’t. Don’t open it. Let’s…Let’s talk in the dark.”</strong></p><p>
  <em>“So I can hide what I feel, and you won’t see how much you affect me. After all, you’re already moving on.”</em>
</p><p><strong>“Okay.”</strong> Soojin hears Shuhua scuffling around before she feels a dip on the right side of her bed.</p><p>She hears a sigh coming from the maknae and she has an idea about what they’re going to be talking about.</p><p><strong>“What are we going to talk about?”</strong> But she still plays dumb.</p><p><strong>“The unnies told me to talk to you. About the situation, we’re in. That I…I caused.”</strong> Shuhua says carefully as if she’s measuring her words.</p><p><strong>“Unnie, you do know why I did that, don’t you?”</strong> Did she? She did, probably. The Soojin in this world probably knew and just…went along with it because…maybe she’s not feeling these deep emotions for the girl she’s talking to that she’s hiding behind her already shattered heart. Maybe the Soojin in this world didn’t bother to talk it out because she wants Shuhua to move on from her. Because she knew that she’d never return the feelings.</p><p>
  <strong>“Yes.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“And you do understand why I stopped being clingy and talking to you, right?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yes.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Are you mad that I did what I did?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“No.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Really?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You can do whatever you want, Shu.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“You know unnie, I was scared at first. Being with you was just…the thing I did the first time I got here. It became so normal for me to the point that I’ve always had to see you around to function properly. And I have never seen that as something horrible until I realized that I had to stop being with you to get these…things out of me.”</strong> Were her feelings that bad that she can’t even address them properly? Soojin turns away from Shuhua’s direction as her tears start spilling once again, afraid that the girl might see if even a glimpse of light hits her way.</p><p>
  <strong>“It was hard, and I always thought that at some point, I’d be the main cause of our group’s break-up, but you still talked to me in front of cameras despite that I never gave you any explanations, that made me think that I should just endure and that it’ll all go away.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Believe me or not unnie, I’ve been so tempted to stop it. Tearing myself away from you. There were so many times. But now I realized that it was all worth it. I’m happier now.”</strong> Was she…Was she not happy with Soojin before?</p><p>
  <strong>“Good for you Shuhua. I’m glad you finally achieved what you wanted to get.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Unnie, I know that…we can never be the same, treat each other the same like before, but I’d like to be friends. Again.” </strong>It was funny how the word she always gave Shuhua had come back and had bitten her in the butt. Friend. The word she threw around carelessly.</p><p>
  <strong>“Okay. Let’s talk tomorrow Shu…hua.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Okay. Good night Soojin unnie.”</strong> Soojin keeps her back turned from the younger girl until she hears the soft click of the door.</p><p>Soojin slept that night with wet pillows under her.</p><p>After the day…</p><p>Soojin wakes up to someone barging loudly inside her room, that someone being Shuhua with her green shirt and a very energetic aura. <strong>“Jin-jin! It’s time to wake up now, we’re going to practice in an hour!”</strong> The said girl jumps on the bed and crawls towards Soojin with a wide grin, wraps her arms around the girl’s shoulder, and leans in with her puckered lips but stops when she sees that Soojin isn’t leaning away from her. She backs up and stares at Soojin, tilting her head as a confused look manifests on her face.</p><p><strong>“Why are you not rejecting my love?”</strong> Soojin only continues to stare at her, not believing that Shuhua was back to her old ways again.</p><p>She was acting like she never existed yesterday and now she’s back with the heart eyes and hugs.</p><p>Sensing the deep thoughts her unnie has in her mind, Shuhua lowers down her antics and asks the girl if she was okay. Soojin blinks and looks down to avoid Shuhua’s gaze, opting to look at her hands but she sees Shuhua’s own just laying on the white blankets, and Soojin grabs it.</p><p>She had never thought that she would miss feeling Shuhua’s touch.</p><p>If you told that to Soojin months ago or days ago, she would have laughed.</p><p>Shuhua feels more confused when her unnie grabbed her and kept it between hers. <strong>“Unnie? Are you okay?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Shuhua…”</strong> Soojin’s voice sounds so small and it makes the maknae worry. <strong>“Can you come here beside me and hug me?”</strong></p><p>The request surprises the Taiwanese girl but she obliges nonetheless, moving to Soojin’s right side and hugs her, letting out an <em>oof</em> when Soojin suddenly faces her and hugs her back, hiding her face in Shuhua’s neck.</p><p>
  <strong>“Unnie, are you sick? I can tell Soyeon unnie that you’ll be staying home. I’ll buy you some food after practice.”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Shuhua-ah.”</strong> Soojin retracts from hiding and stares at Shuhua’s eyes, her hold on Shuhua’s hand never faltering. <strong>“You know that I love you, right?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Hmm!”</strong> Shuhua nods ecstatically. <strong>“Of course unnie loves me! Just like how you love Minnie unnie, Soyeon unnie, Yuqi-ah, and Miyeon unnie.”</strong></p><p><strong>“Shuhua, you love me more than that, right?”</strong> Shuhua nods apprehensively, the smile that was once on her face earlier now disappearing. <strong>“Yes, but you don’t like that so I’m not going to push it anymo---”</strong></p><p><strong>“Don’t.”</strong> Soojin interrupts the maknae. <strong>“Please don’t stop showing me how much you love me.”</strong> Soojin returns on hiding her face on Shuhua’s neck. <strong>“Please don’t stop smothering me with your love.”</strong></p><p><strong>“But I thought that you hate it,”</strong> Shuhua asks, confused. <strong>“you always push me away or you always deny my feelings for you.”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“I’m sorry Shuhua-ah. I’m so sorry that my actions right now are throwing you off, I’m sorry that I’m confusing you, but please, believe me, I love you.”</strong>
</p><p>Shuhua chuckles. <strong>“You already said that earlier unnie.”</strong></p><p>Soojin shakes her head. <strong>“No Shuhua, I love you. Like the way you love me.”</strong></p><p>Shuhua blinks her eyes and tilts her head, still cannot understand what her unnie was trying to say. Is she saying that she’s also in love with her? Romantically? That can’t be. Shuhua promised that the day Soojin confesses to her that she loves her will be the day all pigs will fly and Yuqi will have a high-pitched voice.</p><p>
  <strong>“Shuhua?”</strong>
</p><p><strong>“Unnie, you don’t have to lie because you pity me.”</strong> Shuhua smiles at Soojin.  She caresses Soojin’s hair. <strong>“It’s okay. You don’t have to return my feelings. I knew what I was getting into when I realized that my feelings for you had stepped out of the line and whatever happens, I’ll take responsibility for it.”</strong> Shuhua chuckles. <strong>“I already knew it was impossible from the start.”</strong></p><p>Soojin shakes her head. <strong>“Stop, just stop.”</strong></p><p>With her unreleased energy, Soojin pulls and puts Shuhua on her lap and kisses her, closing her eyes as the rumbling in her stomach that was set off since yesterday settles down slowly.</p><p><strong>“I love you the way you love me, probably more if I can’t help it, so please, never stop clinging to me, okay?”</strong> Soojin pulls away to keep pressing quick kisses on Shuhua’s grinning lips, the younger girl’s hold on Soojin’s waist tightening as she squeals with every peck.</p><p><strong>“You’re not pranking me, unnie? You love me?!”</strong> Soojin looks at Shuhua’s shining eyes full of happiness and awe. She smiles widely and puts some of Shuhua’s stray hairs behind her ears then pinches Shuhua’s cheeks. <strong>“Yes, I do love you so much Yeh Shuhua.”</strong></p><p>Shuhua squeals and pushed Soojin on the bed, surprising the older with her strength. Soojin looks up and comes to terms that she’s in love with a dork who looks like an angel with her innocent yet mischievous eyes, her perfect porcelain skin, and her always pursed lips that’s always asking to be placed on hers.</p><p>Shuhua grins at Soojin as she lets the girl stare at her, knowing that her unnie was entranced with her beauty. She’s been in that kind of situation a lot of times, especially with strangers she just met or was introduced by her.</p><p>Shuhua asks Soojin with her crinkled eyes and nose. <strong>“Soojin unnie, will you accept my heart? And take care of it?”</strong></p><p><strong>“Shuhua, we’re not in a drama, you can drop the scripts.”</strong> Soojin says after nudging the girl earning her a whine from the youngest. <strong>“Ah unnie, humor me please!”</strong></p><p><strong>“Okay.”</strong> Soojin caresses Shuhua’s cheek. <strong>“Yes, Yeh Shuhua. I will accept my heart if you accept mine.”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“I will! I will! It’s an honor to take care of Seo Soojin’s heart!” </strong>
</p><p>Shuhua leans down and stops when she’s just a bit near Soojin’s face, gives the older girl a grin before pecking her lips. Soojin wraps her arms around Shuhua’s neck when the girl pulls away.</p><p>
  <strong>“More.”</strong>
</p><p>Shuhua giggles and shakes her head, staring at Soojin’s beautiful face. <strong>“We can’t unnie, we have to hurry for practice.”</strong></p><p>Shuhua frowns when she notices Soojin’s swollen eyes. <strong>“Unnie?? Did you cry?”</strong></p><p>It was Soojin’s time to shake her head. <strong>“No.”</strong></p><p>Shuhua looks at her with a stern expression. <strong>“Unnie.”</strong></p><p><strong>“No really, I’m fine.”</strong> Shuhua decides not to push the girl on telling. Shuhua crawls off of Soojin and goes to the side of the bed.</p><p><strong>“Okay, then I’ll go take a bath, you go and get your things ready?”</strong> Soojin nods at the question. Shuhua leans in and puckers her lips, making the dancer chuckle and also lean towards her, kissing the maknae.</p><p><em>It was a dream.</em> Was what Soojin had come into after Shuhua left the room. She looks down at herself and sees that she’s not wearing the same clothes she had been wearing last night, which brings a wide smile and a relieved sigh to escape her lips.</p><p>
  <em>It was a dream.</em>
</p><p>Or was it?</p>
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